I bought some cigarettes with a coupon. I’ve only done this once or twice before because buying your addictive drugs with a coupon seems less than shabby and none of my other dealers even take them, but Mr. R.J. Reynolds mails them to me. Direct.

Because they’re mailed to me, the coupons have my name printed on the back. The cashier, who I call Quetzalcoatl, read my name on the coupon. Now she had a name for me.

Do you know Stephanie Wood?, she demanded.

I wasn’t biting. I didn’t like her tone. I said, I don’t know too many people around here. I’m originally from Kansas City.

Oh she’s from the desert, too, explained the cashier.